Uncle Henry's Bedtime Stories for Senior Citizens #6
PawPaw Billy's favorite Thing
Once upon a time, there was an upstanding Senior Citizen named PawPaw Billy. PawPaw Billy was an 81 year old widower who lived alone in a modest house off Howell's Ferry Road in Semmes. He survived on his Social Security and from some money he got in a settlement from an insurance company, after his late wife, Lurleen, died from a severe allergic reaction to the stuffing inside Cabbage Patch dolls.
At age 81, all PawPaw Billy liked to do was sit in his house in front of his tv and watch Fox News. His favorite time of day was late afternoon, when he would drink coffee and eat Little Debbie snack cakes while he watched the Five on Fox News. Those people on the Five somehow always knew how to put into words what PawPaw Billy was thinking and feeling, even when he didn't really know what the hell they were talking about.
One Monday evening, right after the Five on Fox , PawPaw Billy got a phone call on his landline phone from his daughter, Maxine.
Maxine said, " Daddy, you've got to come over Friday afternoon! We're cooking out on Tommy's expensive new grill, and Clydine and Nadine's families are coming over, too. You'll be surrounded by all of your grand kids! It'll be fun,Daddy!"
PawPaw Billy was called PawPaw Billy because he had lots and lots of grandkids. He wasn't sure how many he had these days, and he didn't really care, because they were all spoiled and annoying, just like their mommys and daddys.
PawPaw Billy thought about Friday's cook out all week long, and he wondered, "WIll I get to watch the Five on Fox news? And will I have to take a shower?"
Then, Friday arrived.
Right around noon, when PawPaw Billy was switching his tv from Fox News to Fox Business News, his landline phone rang. It was his daughter Maxine.
"I have some bad news, Daddy!" said Maxine." We have to cancel our plans for today! Tommy was stung by some kind of hornet and his hand is so swollen up he can't even cook on his new expensive grill!"
As PawPaw Billy hung up the landline phone, his heart sang with joy! And his heart sang with joy because his favorite thing, at age 81, was cancelled plans. He loved cancelled plans! Plans made him leave his house. Plans made him change his routine. Plans suck! Cancelled plans were his favorite thing!
And so that afternoon, PawPaw Billy drank his coffee, ate his Little Debbie Snack Cake, watched the Five on Fox News, and he lived happily ever after.
THE END
